Your choice of words could make or break your relationship

Eventually, in virtually every relationship the moment comes when the two sides stop paying attention to their choice of words and begin to push each other away using poorly thought-out phrases.
We at Bright Side decided it was time to work out how to preserve the warmth in a relationship and avoid ever letting things reach breaking point. It turns out that all you need to do is apply three simple rules of communication.

1.When speaking about your wishes, cut out “don’t“ and ”won’t.”

Elements of speech such as “don’t“ and ”won’t“ have the ability to give certain assertions a negative quality. Therefore, they’re not worth using when you talk about your wishes. Moreover, it’s often harder for your partner to understand how to act when they hear phrases like this, as their ambiguity leaves them with many different options.
Bad: “I don’t want you to control me.”
Good: ”I want you to trust me.”

2.  Try to use “and“ instead of ”but.”

This rule seems simple, but you’ll actually have to spend a long time incorporating this change into your life. But it’s definitely worth it, for this one rule can reset your communication with your partner from being a duel of words to a forum for cooperation. You can see the difference for yourself:
Bad: “I understand you, but I also want you to understand me.“
Good: ”I understand you, and I also want you to understand me.”

3.Don’t spoil a compliment with negativity.

Have you noticed how some people think it wise to express their dissatisfaction even while they’re offering praise? The problem is that such individuals’ brains are wired to react with greater energy to bad things. If you want to praise someone, take extra care not to mix compliments and criticism together.
Bad: “Supper was delicious, unlike yesterday.“
Good: ”Supper was delicious, thank you!”
From time to time, we underestimate the strength of our words, and at the same time we’re too lazy to work on our speech habits. But it’s ultimately better to learn to talk in such a way that allows others to understand us than it is to deal with problems caused by misunderstanding. Wouldn’t you agree?

 

 

-Brightside

We want the happily ever after, but we don’t want to put the effort

We want a second coffee cup in our Instagrams of lazy Saturday mornings, another pair of shoes in our artsy pictures of our feet. We want a Facebook official relationship every one can like and comment on, we want the social media post that wins #relationshipgoals. We want a date for Sunday morning brunch, someone to commiserate with during the drudge of Mondaze, a Taco Tuesday partner, someone to text us good morning on Wednesday. We want a plus one for all the weddings we keep getting invited to (how did they do it? How did they find their happily ever after?). But we are the generation who doesn’t want a relationship.

We swipe left in hopes of finding the right person. We try to special order our soulmate like a request on Postmates. We read 5 Ways to Know He’s Into You and 7 Ways to Get Her to Fall For You, in hopes of being able to upcycle a person into a relationship like a Pinterest project. We invest more time in our Tinder profiles than our personalities. Yet we don’t want a relationship.

We “talk” and we text, we Snapchat and we sext. We hangout and we happy hour, we go to coffee and grab a beer – anything to avoid an actual date. We private message to meet up, we small talk for an hour only to return home and small talk via text. We forgo any chance of achieving real connection by mutually playing games with no winner. Competing for “Most Detached”, “Biggest Apathetic Attitude”, and “Best at Being Emotionally Unavailable”, what we end up actually winning is “Most Likely to Be Alone”.

We want the façade of a relationship, but we don’t want the work of a relationship. We want the hand holding without the eye contact, the teasing without the serious conversations. We want the pretty promise without the actual commitment, the anniversaries to celebrate without the 365 days of work that leads up to them. We want the happily ever after, but we don’t want to put the effort in the here and now. We want the deep connection, while keeping things shallow. We long for that world series kind of love, without being willing to go to bat.

We want someone to hold our hand, but we don’t want to put the power to hurt us in their hands. We want cheesy pick up lines, but we don’t want to be picked up… for that involves the possibility of being set down. We want to be swept off our feet, yet at the same time remaining safely, independently, standing on our own. We want to keep chasing the idea of love, but we don’t want to actually fall into it.

We don’t want relationships – we want friends with benefits, Netflix and chill, nudes on Tinder. We want anything that will give us the illusion of a relationship, without being in an actual relationship. We want all the rewards and none of the risk, all of the payout and none of the cost. We want to connect – enough, but not too much. We want to commit – a little, but not a lot. We take it slow: we see where it goes, we don’t label things, we just hang out. We keep one foot out the door, we keep one eye open, and we keep people at arm’s length – toying with their emotions but most of all toying with our own.

When things get too close to being real, we run. We hide. We leave. There’s always more fish in the sea. There’s always another chance at finding love. There’s just such a little chance of keeping it these days…

We hope to swipe right into happiness. We want to download the perfect fit like a new app – that can be updated every time there’s a hitch, easily compartmentalized into a folder, deleted when we have no more use for it. We don’t want to unpack our baggage – or, worse, help someone unpack theirs. We want to keep the ugly behind the coverup, hide the imperfections with an Instagram filter, choose another episode on Netflix over a real conversation. We like the idea of loving someone despite their flaws; yet we keep our skeletons locked in the closet, happy to never let them see the light of day.

We feel entitled to love, like we feel entitled to full time jobs out of college. Our trophies-for-everyone youth has taught us that if we want something, we deserve it. Our over-watched Disney VHSs taught us true love, soul mates, and happily ever after exist for everyone. And so we put in no effort, and wonder why our prince charming hasn’t appeared. We sit around, upset that our princess is no where to be found. Where is our consolation prize? We showed up, we’re here. Where’s the relationship we deserve? The true love we’ve been promised?

We want a placeholder, not a person. We want a warm body, not a partner. We want someone to sit on the couch next to us, as we aimlessly scroll through another newsfeed, open another app to distract us from our lives. We want to walk this middle line: pretending we don’t have emotions while wearing our heart on our sleeve, wanting to be needed by someone yet not wanting to need someone. We play hard to get just to test if someone will play hard enough – we don’t even fully understand it ourselves. We sit around with friends discussing the rules, but no one even knows the game we’re trying to play. Because the problem with our generation not wanting relationships is that, at the end of the day, we actually do.

 

 

 

 

-Huffingtonpost

Friend zoned? this how you can get out

You can change her mind with these six easy steps:

1) Keep your cool and accept the situation

Don’t beg for her to give you a chance, EVER. She made a conscious decision to not be anything more than friends with you. You must play with the irrational, illogical side of her personality. You’ll do much better if you start putting less focus on her and more focus on you.

2) Focus on self-improvement

Nobody is perfect, so there is always a huge amount of room for improvement. It gives us hope as well, right? Start looking your best. Go to the gym and keep up a healthy diet. Also, don’t forget about the intellectual side of things. Try to be a hot and interesting person. If you feel more confident about yourself, she will probably notice it. Girls love self-confidence and after all, the special girl you want is just a another girl.

3) Spend time with her doing regular things

No candles, dinner, watching sunset, listening to CD’s at your place, etc. Just invite her out to do “friendly” things with you. After all, this is exactly what she wanted, right? Go out and do the things you would do yourself anyway, like going out to buy new clothes and stuff like that. Shopping is actually a good idea for 2 reasons. She will be happy to help you and you will have a good opportunity to ‘accidently’ show her some of your finely worked out body (see number 2). Every situation that leaves some space for physical contact that leaves her thinking about you are helpful in this situation. Always try to emphasize your sexuality, but in a very polite, seemingly unconscious way.

How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone

4) Hang out with other people and have fun

A little dose of jealousy never hurt anyone. It’s like fueling her fire with desire. Without a little portion of it, any relationship can get boring, so flirt with other women! A lot. You can be the perfect guy, but she can’t know that she ‘has’ you. Ever. Even If you have revealed your feelings to her directly or you have made it obvious to her, you should try to attract other women too! You will become more valuable in the mind of the girl you actually want. A twinge of jealousy that comes from knowing other people find you attractive is priceless. The old adage ‘never put all your eggs in one basket’ is very true, so take advantage of it. Start meeting other people. It will get her curious, but also help you get some practice flirting. The more women you meet, the better you become at playing the game and getting the girl you want.

142_AwkwardDating-e1388195957431

5) Finally, the difficult part, which probably you are doing wrong: flirting

Never forget the importance of sexual attraction. Of course, it’s less significant of an issue for women than for men, but after all, we have certain needs. Start teasing her and giving her compliments, but avoid elaborate, sophisticated ones. For example, perfume is a safe subject. If she chooses to wear perfume, it means she liked the scent, so it’s safe. It’s also a very sensual compliment. Always avoid teasing or discussing her age or weight. It can only go wrong.

6) Use sensual tricks

Touch her from time to time. I don’t mean grab her ass. I’m talking about touching her arm casually. I know it’s difficult for shy people, but if you play it cool, almost as though it’s accidental, it can work. But always pay attention to how she responds. Moderation is the best solution for everything.

How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone

All in all, you have to be a great observer. Pay attention to her and see if her attitude towards you has changed. If you see that she looks at you differently, touches you sometimes, starts flirting with you herself, notices that you work out, gets jealous when you are flirting with another woman, then these are all good signs! She will probably not make a move, so you must make it yourself. But she will give you hints to encourage you.

The last resort: Leverage the friendship

If everything fails, accept the friendship with your crush. Try to banish your romantic feelings for her as much as you can and focus on being a good friend – and stand by your decision. That way you are “just” a friend by YOUR own choice, but by hers.

You might think “Why would I do that, I really want to be more than just friends with her”. If you she absolutely, positively and no circumstances reciprocates your feelings, you just have to move on… and capitalize on the opportunity to hook up with one of her friends! You are in the perfect position to pull that off, because you have earned the trust and social proof of your crush. Getting to know one of her friend is a piece of cake from here. Just don’t end up in the friend zone again ;)

 

Good Luck!

 

 

-wigman magazine

Signs that your man is taking you for granted

1. He pressures you to come out drinking with his friends, but is suddenly unavailable when your family is in town. He doesn’t even ask you if you’re coming to his company parties or any weddings he’s been invited to. But the second you want to meet your friend for drinks at a bar, he rolls his eyes and says “she’s not my friend.”

2. If you make him dinner once, he assumes you’re always going to make dinner for him. What other people would appreciate, he takes for granted. If anything, he gets mad at you when you don’t have time to pick him up from work while his car is in the shop, or even cook or clean. He treats favors as expectations.

 3. You’re always on his schedule. You’ll meet up when he can make time for you, and it’s never the other way around. It doesn’t matter if you’re moving into a new apartment, he doesn’t show up because he’s “busy” and expects you to come see him that night.

4. You ask him to come over and he ignores it (just because he doesn’t want to hang out)It’s not just that he takes a while to get back to you. He outright ignores your calls and texts to hang out. Then he feigns some lame excuse, like he was sleeping even though it was 7 p.m.

5. You feel like you get booty called even though you’re in a relationship. Sometimes you feel like he just calls you to come over and have sex. Maybe because you only hang out at night.

6. He acts like a brat when he doesn’t get his way. The few times he actually agrees to do something he doesn’t want to do, he’s in a bad mood the entire time, to the point where it ruins the experience for you. You’ll never see a rom com with him again.

7. Your dates are less “dinner and a movie” and more “hanging out on the couch.” He can’t be bothered to actually plan a date, or even agree to go on a date you plan. There’s nothing wrong with binge-watching Netflix with your boyfriend, but if you’ve told him you’re not happy with that and he doesn’t do anything about it, there’s a problem.

8. He never goes down on you, but he’s always asking for blow jobs. And he doesn’t care if you come, either. Sex ends when he has an orgasm and then rolls over.

9. You don’t get many compliments from him. Some guys aren’t great at compliments or communicating their feelings, but if you actually can’t remember the last time he said anything nice about you, DTMF.

10. He literally doesn’t listen to you, even when you’re just trying to let him know what your plans for the week areDon’t confuse this with being forgetful, like Dr. What’s-his-name in Flubber or Amnesiac Rachel McAdams in The Vow. He doesn’t take the time to sit and listen. And he’ll wind up planning something on a day you asked him to be around because he “forgot.”

11. He does major things, like quit his job or move, without even consulting you. You shouldn’t be finding out he’s moving an hour away after he’s already signed the lease.

-Cosmopolitan

Ladies, find out some of things you do that turn men off

When they happen we cannot simply bear with them. By “we”, I mean us men, so don’t get it twisted. Men have been subjected to some quite disturbing behaviors from the women. I hereby present my case that ladies should by all means try to tone down some of the things they do.

While your man can put up with some of these behaviours, he feels irritated. As it would be, these are some turn offs that ladies should probably know.

1.Long Fingernails

I saw a girl with 3D artificial nails. I mean of all the things, 3D finger nails, really! Did you know hey actually exist! Those nails look like they were borrowed from Lucifer’s personal assistant (no offence though). Keep in mind, super long fingernails are super turn offs.  Men like it natural, because sometimes long nails could be dangerous when a couple is trying to get cozy. So simple and don’t over-do the nails!

2.Over doing the Perfume

This is actually irritating. Some ladies overdo it so much you would think they were swimming in a pool of perfume. Smelling good is one thing ladies, but spraying yourself like your life depends on it is not. I would advise that you keep it light ladies

3.Too Desperate

Desperate women..jeez, I still ask myself where this breed of girls came from. You do not have to be desperate to show your deep regard for someone. When a lady does the right thing, men will appreciate it without necessarily being too desperate. Do not cling too much on your guy, it puts them off.

4.Playing Dumb

Who says this is cute? Never in the history of humanity has playing dumb ever been proved cute. We, humans, have been to the moon, to mention the least. Men always see through such plays, and it bothers them. And by the way, no one wants to have a dumb girlfriend in the 21st century, whether it’s a fake or not.

5.Talking about your Ex

This is a definite turn off, here on earth, in Mars and in every other planet that is yet to be discovered. You don’t bring such tales to threshold of you boyfriend’s hood, Never! Let’s just say if you are still in love with your ex, then it’s not a good idea to have you current guy. Period. I can tell you for free (I won’t mind some dollars though), that men hate this behavior the most.

  1. Gossiping

My friend, Marion has coined gossip as “Catching up”. It’s her way of getting away with gossip. That aside, It doesn’t matter the word, gossip isn’t a good thing. If a man hears you talking badly about some other girl, he’ll question that. No matter how true your points are valid, it will make you look bad and you will score poorly here.

That said, I think I’ll go back to my previous important point. Being yourself is key to everything. It makes stuff simple and easier to handle. It makes you, you!

 

 

-EVE

Scottish Parliament petitioned to legalise incest

The Scottish government will be forced to consider legalising incest because of a legal quirk.

On Tuesday the parliament’s petition committee will have to consider a request lodged on Scottish government’s e-petition’s site calling for the legalisation of incest where both parties “are consenting adults over the age of 21”.

The petition was submitted by a man named Richard Morris who lives in Australia.

Under the terms of devolution, the Scottish parliament has to consider all petitions if the propose a change in the law.

He wrote: “Public fears, prejudice and bigotry about ACI are mostly due to ignorance created over many years mostly by the church and church-influenced governments and newspapers, in much the same way as public fears and bigotry about homosexuality were created.

“In general, societies have a tendency to target isolated individuals and to attack anything perceived to be different as a threat”.

He said the Scottish law on incest was “outdated” as public opinion towards sex and relationship was far more liberal than when it was last reviewed in 1981.

Mr Morris – who will not give evidence to the committee – claims to have written a book about incest and has sent letters to Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon and the Queen calling on them to do more to legalise consensual incest.

But the petition is unlikely to go any further, with Labour MSP Michael McMahon telling Buzzfeed: “I recognise the petition addresses a subject matter that many people find abhorrent. Speaking personally, I take a similar view”.

Incest typically carries a maximum sentence of two years in prison when both parties are consenting adults.

 

 

 

 

-Independent

Here are few things you can do for your dirty spouse

So this afternoon, Nancy presented her issue in the girl talk. She said her boyfriend is extremely dirty and messy. And here at Capitalradio.co.ug we have tried to dig up some ways on how to deal with this issue. This could help many of you facing similar issues.

1.  Talk About It

Ignoring the problem won’t work.  You’ll need to face it honestly, but respectfully.  The truth is that clutter and mess can cause people who are naturally neat quite a bit of anxiety and stress.  On the other hand having someone nag constantly can do the same thing to someone who is more casual with their messes.  Schedule a time and a neutral location to talk about the goals you both/all have for your home.  Recognize that each person’s opinion is valid and that compromise will be necessary.

2.  Define Dirty and Messy

Dirty and messy really aren’t the same thing.  Dirty implies that there is actual dirt, grime, leftover food, or mold present in your home.  Dirty is gross and can potentially make people sick. Dirt invites damage, stains, and insects. Messy is more like clutter or items in places where they don’t belong.  People who are neat sometimes combine these two terms, but they really are different.  It’s totally fine to have rules about getting rid of dirt.  Messiness is where you’ll need to compromise.

3.  Work Out a Compromise

Start by describing your ideal home.  You might be surprised to find that you and your messy roommate agree on many items.  At this point you’ll likely have to start compromising.  What happens when someone is in the middle of a project? What should the living areas of your house look like at all times? Who has duties in which rooms? What are some daily, weekly, and monthly chores? You don’t need to compromise on health and safety issues, but you may need to on more subjective items like how a room looks.

4.  Use Pictures and Lists

One thing that really helped me was to take pictures of what each tidy room looked like for my family after we’d compromised on a basic level of clean. My kids referred to the pictures to make sure they had put each room back to the way it needed to be.  Cleaning checklists can also be a useful tool once a routine has been agreed upon. It helps others to know/remember what is expected of them. Don’t be tempted to add items that weren’t agreed upon to the lists without group consent. That’s an easy way to cause a revolt. We don’t want to give our families any extra excuses for not cleaning. Recognize that children may have their own cleaning excuses and need separate solutions.

5.  Respect Individual Space to a Certain Degree

In my family we’ve agreed that common areas are to be picked up regularly and frequently.  Our own personal spaces are a little different.  They aren’t allowed to be dirty, but the level of messy is a little more lax there.  Does it still drive me crazy when I walk by my daughter’s room?  Sometimes it does.  And when her room reaches a state that violates safety and health, she is required to do something about it. Until then, I try to be tolerant of the mess.

6.  Do Not Nag

I understand. Living with someone who is messy can be a challenge. But living with someone who nags continually is no picnic, either. For this to work, you’ll have to be calm and tolerant. Work out an agreement and stick to it. Create your own sanctuary that you have control over. Even if it’s just a shelf, your own bed, or your own room, you can keep your space exactly how you like it. Recognize that the feeling of comfort that you feel in that space may, inexplicably to you, be the same feeling your messy roommate gets in their own cluttered space.

source: about home

Four tips that could make your relationship much better

  • Staying involved with each other. Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without truly relating to each other and working together. While it may seem stable on the surface, lack of involvement and communication increases distance. When you need to talk about something important, the connection and understanding may no longer be there.
  • Getting through conflict. Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree. The key in a strong relationship, though, is not to be fearful of conflict. You need to be safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation, or insisting on being right.
  • Keeping outside relationships and interests alive. No one person can meet all of our needs, and expecting too much from someone can put a lot of unhealthy pressure on a relationship. Having friends and outside interests not only strengthens your social network, but brings new insights and stimulation to the relationship, too.
  • Communicating. Honest, direct communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears, and desires, trust and bonds are strengthened. Nonverbal cues—body language like eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm—are critical to communication.